Must clean.

On one had, I do indeed mean cleaning literally. My room is a big messy. My desk is a messy mess. And though, through some weird twist of fate, I have more closet space than I’ll ever need, I still managed to fill it all up with I don’t know what.

And that’s kind of the thing. Boxes in my closet from a move to my current apartment over a year and a half (2 years? 3 years? 80 years?) ago, and I haven’t opened them and no longer know what’s in them? There’s a part of me that just wants to chuck ’em. Unopened. But, of course, I fear I’ll accidentally trash something valuable.

Though what’s really valuable is up in the air lately. Things that seemed so important at one point are now just clutter. Not to put to fine a point on it, but, yeah, this also goes for my brain as well.

It’s time to take stock, no matter how much I dread it, and clean up. Just get rid of the clutter and the mess. My room. My brain. Everything.

Of course, it’s also time for lunch now, so the rest will have to wait.

Smallville is still on the air?

The Smallville showrunners must’ve been like, “So… look Smallville Clark Kent on our awesome show is, what? 42? Shouldn’t he kinda become Superman as we enter our 900th season?”

That’s kinda neat to me. I can’t help it! In my lackluster imagination, said showrunners are all, “Okay, yeah, we gotta admit that this has gotten ridiculous! We’ve been on the air for 800 years. Clark definitely needs to become Superman already. But… blue tights and them red undies? C’mon. That’s lame and gay in that not necessarily homosexual way that people still use as an insult even though it’s clearly offensive. Okay, lemme think… thiiiink… Wait! Oh, hell yeah! I have a completely original idea! Black shirt, pants, and… wait for it… black trenchcoat!MATRIX

“Wait… the What-trix? Okay, okay,  I don’t think anyone will remember shit, but, sure, yeah, we can put the silly ‘S’ shield on his shirt if you want. Kinda old school, but whatevs.

smallville_season_9

“Yeah. You bet your flabby ass we worked a cross pose in there, too. That can never get old. Superman as Jesus. Totally. … Wait, what? Superman creators Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster were Jewish and, therefore, probably didn’t have Jesus on their minds? Ah, whatevs part 2 — let’s beat that allegorical dead horse! Go team Smallville!”

Yeah, I might watch it. Fine. I can’t help myself if I have nothing better to do. Shut up!

What does one do with the lemons life sometimes gives one?

This is a pretty good question, in my humble opinion, and I cannot believe no one has ever asked it before. Indeed, what does one do when life says, “Here are some lemons, person”?

I suggest the following:

  1. Get a knife and a cutting board.
  2. Cut the lemon into four wedges.
  3. Get a glass.
  4. Put ice in the glass.
  5. Pour water into the glass with the ice already in it.
  6. Take one of the four lemon wedges into your hands by picking it up.
  7. Squeeze the lemon juice from said wedge into the glass of water and ice.
  8. Drop the wedge right into the glass containing ice and water and lemon juice.
  9. Fucking throw the other three lemon wedges away before they attract fruit flies or something.
  10. Enjoy a refreshing ice cold glass of lemon water.

You’re welcome.