So, I live on the second floor of my majestic apartment building in sunshiny Hell A with my roommate, Prince Thrifty. It’s the second of three floors, and the Prince has made it no secret that he prefers to be at the top of wherever he is, with the power to reign over all he sees. There were no third floor apartments available when we first moved in, though, so it was to the second floor we went. And it worked out for us for the past year and half.
Now, however, the apartment directly above us has opened up. And the Prince, always looking for a better deal, wants the higher, top floor vantage point.
How do I feel about all this, you might be wondering if you’re still reading? Well, my usual response is to say that I don’t care. And part of me feels that’s true. But… but… do I care? Maybe I care more than I let on about things. Just want everyone around me to be happy, you know? And I’m fine so long as I have my interwebs and my TV and my comics, I’m a’ight, you know? I’m simple folk.
The truth, however, is that moving is always a PIA (“pain in the ass” – did I just make that up?)… this is only one floor up, though. Literally, it is the apartment directly above us. So, it’s no big, right?
As I always recommend to anyone who comes to me for advice when a decision is to be made (keeping or quitting a job, breaking up with or staying with a significant other, black or white pleather pants), a “Pros & Cons” list is the surest way to help clarify things. So, let’s rock this so ‘n so…
- It has a better view — rooftops and mountains in the far off distance instead of the windows of the apartment building right across the alley from us where I once might’ve seen Raymond Burr murder someone. (Or am I getting me confused with someone else?)
- Never will there be the clumping and clopping of tenants above us.
- The spirit of the Confederate soldier who died in my room probably won’t follow us to haunt the apartment above.
- We’ll lord over all others, from the highest point in the complex, looking down upon our neighbors like Thor and Odin lording over the feeble humans of Midgard.
- When the inevitable zombie uprising comes, it’ll be harder for them to get to us. Sure, we have swords ready for the battle and have practiced our back-to-back fighting stance, but this will give us more time to prepare, plus, attacking from above to thin their undead numbers before they even get to us — always good.
- Moving sucks.
- It really, really sucks.
- I hate moving.
- Who doesn’t hate moving?
- If ninjas attack from the rooftops, we’ll be the first to be hit. Swords and back-to-back fighting stances or no, we ain’t ninjas. We’re as good as dead.
So, as you can see, thought must go into this.
Wait… I think I already said I didn’t care. Hmm.