It’s almost Halloween & me with no costume!

How did Halloween sneak up on me? Sneaky night of Satan and candies! Dammit… Now only a few days to come up with a totally awesome (and easy and cheap — scratch that, FREE) costume!

Possible costumes for me:

1. Rogue (from X-MEN, people!)

anna-paquin-xmen3-rogue1

Depending on how I part my hair at this point in “old life,” I totally have a white skunk stripe, Rogue style! Of course, I’m not a woman… but I can do a much better Southern accent than Anna Paquin. To wit, “Howdy, sugah.” I, too, also have excellent cleavage.

2. Chas Tenebaum, funeral edition.

RoyalTenenbaumsBenStiller

I say “funeral edition” because I don’t have red track suit materials. I do have black track pants and almost matching jacket, though, which would fit his more somber attire during (SPOILER) the funeral scene at the end of the movie. My roommate has an afro wig, if I recall correctly. If I could get two miniature versions of myself, it’d be — ah, no time!

3. Clark Kent changing into Superman

792317-612433_ar_superman_super_super

Ah, this is an old standby. I’ve probably done this the past couple Halloweens, plus other here and there in-between other costumes. It’s easy, and I’m lazy. Still… been done to death by me and others (though I’m pretty sure I created it, darn it.) I do, however, have great cleavage. (Wait, what… ?)

4. My dad, circa 2004.

dad

He was 53 then, and I’m only 32 now… but still, the comparison holds. All I’d have to do is grow a mustache. Is it too esoteric, though?

5. Batman!

Batman_bale_small

Oh, crap! Why didn’t I think of this before??? It’ll be perfect, I can already do the voice and everything. I just need… a… um… a Batman costume. … Crap.

6. A Cylon “skinjob.”

NUP_111711_1331

Ha haaa! Pull a fast one on everybody. Ain’t no way to prove if I’m Cylon or human because Baltar’s tests are purposely flawed. And you know I got the cleavage for — wait, there are dude Cylons, too. Oh, also, my spine glows red during sex. (What… ?)

7. Captain Caveman

captain-caveman1

Just need to not shave for a day or two.

8. Jaws from James Bond.

77648_189190_4

Would this qualify as a costume, though?

9. “White D.J.”

Weho_BF_5

That’s right, not the regular me — a white version of me. Racist? Naw… maybe reverse racist, but no one minds that. (… What… ?)

10. Uh… I dunno.

Any suggestions? A decision must be made…

Me Versus Ridiculous Rent

Hell A is as expensive as it is sunny. Case in point: upon a recent trip to C-bus, OH, I found out that my friend hwose name I shall not say because s/he is a private person, pays $80 less in rent than I do.
But… that’s not really a big deal, is it? Only $80? You expected a much bigger difference to necessitate a “D.J. Versus The World” thing, didn’t you? Well, the devil is in the details…

He/she (not actually a hermaphrodite), for a $80 less than what I pay in rent, gets a three bedroom, two story duplex with a basement, real hardwood floors, a yard, and more — all to him/herself.

Compare this to my room and bathroom in a two bedroom apartment in a complex… and the fact that my $80 more rent is only HALF of the rent I split with my roommate.

Granted, my friend gets a better price but is in Ohio instead of California, buuuut… is that a fair trade? Enough of us think so to allow prices to be this absurd in LA, butbutbut, you know, I have family and lifelong friends who have always stood by me and been rock solid in Ohio. Folks on which I can count, which is worth more than constant sunny, smog-filled days, isn’t it?

Plus, in LA, the first doctor I went to for a checkup called me morbidly obese whereas, in Ohio, I’m just a sturdy fella, edging toward kinda skinny. (Both assessments of weight asinine, but which one do you think I favor? But I digress…)

Oh how I love going to the movies!

I love going to the movies. I mean, I love movies in general, but GOING to see a movie at a movie theater? So great.

The smell of popcorn being popped is comforting. The absolute distraction from my usual thoughts as I sit in a dark room, staring at a giant screen, no on allowed to talk, having to immerse myself into stories that have nothing to do with me can be wonderful.

Being around people can be great, sure, but being surrounded by them without the pressure of having to interact? That can be just what the doctor ordered once in a while.

Sometimes it’s kinda sad. Sometimes I’d rather not be alone at the movies, but sometimes I prefer it.

Usually it’s calming.

Oh yeah, and fun.

Elvis is gonna karate chop you!

My roommate Will shared this with me a while back, and, well, it’s haunted my dreams almost as much as my waking hours ever since. Note the grace and raw power of KARATE ELVIS. (Be warned: None of this is staged. All examples of Elvis-ian power, specifically power of the neck, are real.)

New Flight of the Conchords Album??? How Did I Not Know About This???

Seriously, New Zealand Consulate. Why wasn’t I informed? Flight of the Conchords has a new album coming out in a few days entitled I Told You I Was Freaky. Hahaaaa… glorious title. And dig that sexy album art…

conchords_i_told_you_i_was_freaky

Oh, that’s fun. Yeah, the second season felt a little weaker music-wise… but I still love ’em. And dig that title song! They bring the sexy, and I’m not ashamed to say that it makes me feel… freaky.