As humans, we often seem to think that we know what other people are thinking or feeling, even if they don’t explain it to us. We’ll look at the way someone moves or smiles or which direction their eyes go or which direction their legs are crossed and imagine we know what’s going on in their heads.

I thought this was true, but last night I realized that, nope. Not true. At least for me. I have no ability to “read” others. It’s kind of interesting in this, “wow, I’m kinda dumb” way. I went on a couple of dates with this seemingly swell gal, nothing major, and very chaste (because that’s how I roll, gang!) — but fun. Lots of laughs and easy conversation. Some body language that made me think there was attraction there. I thought for sure there would be a third date.

Nope.

Not the end of the world by any means, but it’s just confusing. At the end of the date, there were smiles and hugs and mentions of a third date. When I got home, she sent me a text thanking me and a good night wish and emoticon smiley face. All seemed well.

Asked her out again, and after a few hours received a text that “sorry, but this isn’t going to work out.”

Confusion.

I must’ve just misread everything. The fact that this little two date adventure has come to an end isn’t a huge deal in and of itself, but it is a head scratcher and represents perhaps a learning disability I didn’t know I had. I’m by no means a cocky guy, so I don’t just assume the ladies are down. But I was oddly confident in this. Thought for sure more dates were in the future.

Ah, guess my people reading skills are up there with my rollerskating skills. (Nonexistent.)

Ladies: why are you so confusing? Fellas: why are we so dumb?

Hey, champion readers!

A few years ago, I wrote these stories about a grizzled old ninja who was a bodyguard to celebrities. It was very deep and thoughtful, naturally. I always wanted to make it a comic, and my good friend Jason Eriksen made that happen with his mad art skills. We serialized a story on the late, great website called the footnote, and, well, it still makes me chuckle. Figured I’d share in a moment of nostalgia…

Read it here!

So, you must be wondering what happened after the crisis of my last post. Halloween was coming. I had no costume. It was time for the big dance, and I didn’t have a date!

After that post, I had the idea to use none of those ideas and be House from, you know, House. This would just require things I already had: jeans, sneakers, button up shirt, tee shirt underneath, stubble… and one thing I didn’t: a cane. But! My roommate has one! So, I asked him about it and figured I was done. Then he said, “What should I be, D.J.?”

After some twists and turns in life, it was obvious that HE should be House. It was his cane. He had the stubble that I ended up having to shave the day of the party for a temp job. It was all adding up.

But that left me back to ol’ square one! Jim from The Office became an option when I was working at the temp job and realized I was dressed just like Jim from The Office (gray slacks, white shirt, solid dark tie — yes, I study the man), plus the fact that I’m a tall cracker with brown hair who makes a lot of smug faces. But, nah, no one would get it just by looking at me.

Then Clark Kent into Superman became an option again, BUT, man, I’ve done that before. First time was in 1998 or something, back in college. Had to retire it.

Then! I saw my Preacher action figure in my room. Not any preacher, but Jesse Custer from the awesome DC/Vertigo comic PREACHER.

Yep. Just a piece of paper and some paperclips for the collar, then clothes I already had. Another successfully FREE Halloween costume! Sure, people just thought I was a regular ol’ preacher (albeit it a mean muggin’ one), but when I explained, people were either like, “Oh, I know that comic!” or “That sounds like a badass comic. I’ll have to check it out.”

Yeah, I’m a pretty cool dude.