Is failure a viable option? Apparently direction is involved. Failing upward seems to be quite profitable for some.
Indeed, some magical people to whom the laws of logic and fairness seemingly do not apply fail upward. I’ve been hearing (thinking?) that a lot lately, usually in reference to humans in nicer cars than mine. Cars that they drive to better jobs than mine. Jobs that they successfully fail at in clothes that are both nicerer and betterer than mine.
So, apparently my failing, I mean, just on the occasions I fail (which is not all the time), but, okay, so failure itself is not the problem — it’s that I just fail in the wrong direction.
This doesn’t make me feel better, though, because I have no sense of direction. I can fail upward to success or downward to… um… my life. But up down, north south — I don’t know which is which. It’s like when people tell me to drive west. Unless I’m right by the ocean — I mean, if the ocean is visible to me — I don’t know which way is west. That part of my brain is not functional.
I need a Failure Garmin GPS. It’ll tell me when I’m failing in the wrong direction. Maybe I’d enter in the address “123 Success Lane.” And if I start failing downward, it’ll recalculate and get me back on track. Unless there’s poor satellite reception. Then I’m just screwed. Then I just have to drive around aimlessly, trying to quell the panic building inside as I just go about willy nilly, no idea if I’m failing in the correct direction. I need that little computer plugged into my car lighter to tell me which way to go.
Because I can’t do it myself. Seriously. I just… I get lost a lot.
Speaking of… where the hell am I?