Goodbye, Chicken Nuggets

There was a time when I loved chicken nuggets, patties, and other chicken products that could be eaten in various ways without having to deal with the bones or any acknowledgment that said chicken was once a living animal.

Then I saw this horror show over at InsanityNews (and subsequently all around the interwebs)…

early-onset-of-night:   Say hello to mechanically separated chicken. It’s what all fast-food chicken is made from—things like chicken nuggets and patties. Also, the processed frozen chicken in the stores is made from it. Basically, the entire chicken is smashed and pressed through a sieve—bones, eyes, guts, and all. it comes out looking like this. There’s more: because it’s crawling with bacteria, it will be washed with ammonia, soaked in it, actually. Then, because it tastes gross, it will be reflavored artificially. Then, because it is weirdly pink, it will be dyed with artificial color. But, hey, at least it tastes good, right? High five, America! *smack*

What in the name of Satan’s erect nipples is that pink nonsense, and what does it have to do with tasty chicken nuggets and patties?

Well, that Pepto-s colored Play-Doh looking madness is apparently what becomes the fast-food chicken nuggets and patties a great many of us, myself included, have consumed upon many occasion. It seems musings on white versus dark meat, breast or thigh or wing, is irrelevant when it comes to this type of fast food dining, as it’s pretty much the whole chicken. “Oh, just some breast and thigh… okay.”

But no. NOT okay. NOkay. Nokay at all.

It is not just the meat. It’s… the whole damn animal. Bones, eyes, innards, feet — hell, if chickens wore shoes, they’d be in there as well. Little ground up chicken Chuck Taylor All-Stars. And this pink mix of many things most of us would be terrified to eat is filled with bacteria and whatnot, so it has to be soaked in ammonia. (Note: ammonia is not a common ingredient in most kitchens… at least I hope not.) This bit makes it taste gross, so artificial flavors from the labs of mad scientists will be used to make it taste like the chicken, even though chicken supposedly tastes like everything (except ammonia).

“But… chicken nuggets aren’t pink!”

That’s right, quote of protest I just typed so that I’d have something to respond to right now. That’s where the artificial dye comes into play.

Now, I’m not the healthiest eater in the world. I still chow down on macaroni and cheese with orange powder mix and frozen pizzas and basically whatever is cheap and easy to prepare. But this freaks me right the hell out.

I keep wondering how this is easier than just using, I dunno, ground up and then nuggeted or patty-shaped meat for these products. Is it cheaper to do all this nightmare sci fi shit to make a Happy Meal or a Lonely Sad Man Meal (i.e., what I’ve eaten for my evening meal almost every other day for some bleak stretches)?

It is just nutty… and there’s probably a lot more where this came from… Hell, maybe it’s common knowledge, I dunno. But I do know one thing for sure: I shouldn’t have written (adapted? approximated?) this while eating dinner.

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