This morning was a fun one, reader(s)*. Due to a series of events as annoying as they are mundane, my plan to take the day off from the day job to do things far busier than the actual day job itself proved to be impossible. There was something scheduled that involved other people, outsiders, coming into the office for a tour, and I couldn’t get a hold of a coworker who might’ve been able to fill-in for me, so I was the only person for the job. Unfortunately, I discovered this to be the case right around the time I should’ve been leaving for work — yet I’d done none of my morning “getting ready for work” rituals.
* The “s” is there assuming that someone other than me reads this. If not, I have one reader, and that is me, which is very bleak. Very bleak indeed.**
** Last part of the second sentence and the entirety of the third sentence typed in an exaggerated Michael Caine voice.***
*** Also known as know as simply “a Michael Caine voice.”
When I realized I had to skip my day off plans (that, again, to be clear, would’ve been more work than my actual work day), I’d already started brewing coffee — not the norm, as I usually drink the free coffee at the office. I vowed then and there not to let anything force me to waste my own hard earned coffee!
With some curses and swear words, I jumped in the shower and proceeded to clean myself far quicker than usual. During the shower, my phone rang, and I figured it was the coworker I tried to call, but I couldn’t answer due to the water falling on my head (via the shower). As I wrapped that task up and pulled the shower curtain back, I wondered if I’d forgotten to wash or rinse anything, but I didn’t think so. Time (and future itching) would tell.
As I frantically tried to dry off while checking my voicemail. As suspected, it was my coworker. I called, and the conversation proved to be fruitless, as he, despite being a good person, could not help me. My rushed and curse-filled getting ready for day job work continued apace.
No time for shaving, I robed and hurried to my room to slap on some clothes. Since I don’t have many options this went pretty quick.
Then it was a mumbly, swear-filled jaunt to the kitchen where I spilled coffee everywhere, cursed some more, but was then able to get enough to fill a cup and get to my bird crap-covered car.
I was only twenty minutes late for work by this point, which would’ve made me early by most standards. Traffic was lighter than when I usually leave for work, so I got there quicker than expected, arriving only about forty minutes late — which might put me in contention for a manager position.
As I hopped out of my car and started toward the elevator, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d forgotten something. I sipped my coffee, and… uh oh.
DID I BRUSH MY TEETH???
Normally I do this after the shower, but I was returning a phone call, so… oh man. This was (and still is) bad. The coffee taste was either blocking fresh minty breath or… horrible hellhound morning breath. I had no way of knowing. Would others? Would my teeth fall out? Why don’t I have a toothbrush and toothpaste at work anymore? I used to, darn it! I USED TO!
As I type this, I’m still drinking my coffee and still not sure if my teeth were brushed… though I’m leaning toward a “no.” If my luck continues apace, any moment a potential lady of my dreams is going to talk to me and get a whiff of my unbrushed teeth breath and write me off forever.