So, with that kinda need to see and passion, I was in for a superlative movie-going time. But first I had to get popcorn. This is where they get me, because, yeah, the movie is free, but now I’m spending money on popping corn, and, oh, gotta get soda to wash that down. Now we’re at $9.50 for a movie I only kinda want to see, and only then if it’s free. Oh well. I like popcorn.

Actually, I did want to see The Adjustment Bureau when I first started adds and cool billboards for it started popping up everywhere. I like the title and the Twilight Zone feel the movie seemed to have. Plus, what a swell cast. Matt Damon is swell, even if I always hope he’ll whip out some Jason Bourne moves in movies even when it’s not appropriate, Emily Blunt is lovey (and talented, but I’m a superficial bastard), and, c’mon! It’s got not only Roger Sterling, but General Zod as members of the sharply dressed title characters! (Yes, the dashingly silver haired actors who play Sterling and Zod have real names. Yes, I know what they are. No, I don’t want to call them by anything other than Sterling and Zod.)

Look, so, this is a review, right? There are going to be some spoilers. Nothing major, but if you don’t want anything about a month-old movie ruined for you, stop reading. You have been warned.

Anyway, Damon is this smooth talking, earnest, genuinely decent though sometimes rough around the edges fella with a tragic past who wants to be a senator. Blunt is a pretty dancer lady. They meet cute after Damon loses an election, and her playfulness and love of life or whatever rubs off on him, inspiring him to give a candid concession speech that makes him more popular than ever and a shoo-in for the next election. That’s the last they’re supposed to see of each other. Then chance or whatever sets in, and they meet again. And again.

The Adjustment Bureau, who might be kinda angels (and their unseen boss, “The Chairman,” might as well be God), don’t want these two crazy kids to get together because it’s not part of the mysterious plan, which is cooly represented in their journals as some kinda animated maze-lick schematic or something. So, basically, this becomes a sci fi romance of “will they or won’t they”? shenanigans versus fate or God or whatever.

There are some great themes, nice performances, and a good visual style. Unfortunately, the film’s score and soundtrack seemed… inappropriate to me. The score, by Thomas Newton, had a vaguely 80s action movie or drama feel. I barely remember it now, but at the time it did get in the way of my viewing pleasure. And then, at the end, during this go for broke chase scene involving cool Adjustment Bureau-y secret modes of travel and hats and running, they have a remix of the song “Fever,” which was just… weird. To me, anyway. Maybe it’s a bold choice that I just don’t get.

Aside from this weird soundtrack hang up I have, the movie is pretty fun. Questions of free will versus fate are always intriguing to me, and they’re presented well here. There’s some real tension and interesting twists. Damon and Blunt’s relationship is mostly believable, though Blunt’s character sometimes falls into the manic pixie dream girl trap. She’s very poised and smart, but at one point she drops Damon’s phone in a cup of coffee, and then later she “cutely” punches him in the stomach to win a playful race. Ladies, please don’t get ideas here. No matter how cute you are, most fellas will get justifiably pissed if you ruin their phones or gut check them.

The Adjustment Bureau folks themselves are all snazzy dressers who work out of a very nice office built with fine mahogany. They’re very similar to The Watchers on Fringe, but with hair and more personality, so they’re cool in different ways. Proceedings get kinda corny at various points right up to the end when it, but, all in all, it’s worth a viewing.

This has been D.J.’s just writing for the sake of writing something review of… The Adjustment Bureau!

The part of not liking getting up in the morning that I can change (as I have to go to work regardless, which is the other unlikeable part), is my alarm music. Currently it’s a “melody” on my 12-year-old girl appropriate Samsung Rant phone called “Sunny Day.” I picked this due to it’s name, which I’d hoped would translate into a g’mornin’ smile. It’s got a nice, brassy beat and a celebratory feel… and is incredibly annoying.

I think there is only one bit of music that I’d be happy with interrupting my dream time…

This would make me wake up with purpose! Gotta find that ringtone and then figure out how to download ringtones and if I can even do stuff like that on my Raaaant.

Yeah! Wakin’ up in style! Heroically!!!

Jon Hamm OR Danny Trejo?

They’re the frontrunners in my brain…

VOTE NOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION!

The smell of popcorn being popped is comforting. The absolute distraction from my usual thoughts as I sit in a dark room, staring at a giant screen, no on allowed to talk, having to immerse myself into stories that have nothing to do with me can be wonderful.

Being around people can be great, sure, but being surrounded by them without the pressure of having to interact? That can be just what the doctor ordered once in a while.

Sometimes it’s kinda sad. Sometimes I’d rather not be alone at the movies, but sometimes I prefer it.

Usually it’s calming.

Oh yeah, and fun.

Seriously, Limahl, I need to get some sleep, but all I can do is sing along to this creepy tune that won’t leave my brain. I’m bobbing my head and percolating and toe tapping, not laying down for bed.

Damn you, Limahl. Damn you.

…

…

… Mmmaaaaybe I should type a little more since I called this a “review.”

Okay, I’m a big fan of Office Space and an almost as big fan of Idiocracy. King of the Hill can be pretty funny, and Beavis & Butthead definitely gave me some laughs growing up. Basically: I’m a fan of Extract writer/director Mike Judge. So, yeah, I suggested to my mom and sister that we see this movie on our “mini-vacation” to Columbus, OH.

About 30 laugh-free minutes in (with only one other person in the theatre with us), I began to feel guilty. This is what I do. I didn’t make the movie, but I like the filmmaker, read good reviews, and didn’t want to see the new Sandra Bullock movie (All About Steve), so I suggested Extract. And though I didn’t make it boring or unfunny to us, I felt bad about picking it for us.

Not sure what happened with this flick and me. I know it was low key and not going for huge laughs the whole time, but I was just not into it at all. Jason Bateman is always great. Mila Kunis is really pretty. Ben Affleck is also really pretty (even with the beard), JK Simmons is often hilarious, Dave Koechner is usually a hoot, and Kristin Wiig can be darn funny. But nothing clicked for me in this flick.

How did vanila extract, testicular damage, a dumb gigolo, and paranoid weed humor barely make me (or my mom and sister) crack a smile? Weird.

Wow. Wow wow. From the first shot, you know you’re in for a treat. A treat that requires beers. And sleep deprivation. And nothing better to do with your life.

But darn if some of the shots and angles at the opening and the very Danny Elfman-esque Batman music aren’t fairly entertaining.

Not sure what the “Lorelei Angel of Death” (Jamie King even though I wouldn’t know that just from watching the movie) stuff is all about. Something lost in the translation? And Samuel L. Jackson as The Octopus? Yikes. Eye makeup disaster.

This is one case where writer/director Frank Miller being a dirty old man helped, though. Good god did he cast pretty ladies. I think… wait… all the ladies in this are very pretty. Some ugly guys, but ALL pretty ladies. Oh, there’s Eva Mendes as Sand Saref. She was cast for her acting chops. Obviously.

All slow and oddly unengaging, though.

Triplet (multiple) villain clones are horrible. It’s Edgar from 24, but… yeah, just… just bad. Not funny.

Scarlett Johansson as Silken Floss… god, she sucks in this right from jump street. Her usually husky voice is less husky, even thought it’d work for this part.

Octopus beating the Spirit with someone’s head??? Fighting in shit? I dunno. Some of the shots are cool, but this fight scene, like the rest of the movie so far, is just so fucking boring. Do kind of enjoy the Spirit just punching Octopus over and over and over again, almost comically repetition.

Samuel L. embarrasses himself. And, contrary to his line, toilets are NOT always funny.

How can a fight scene be so fucking boring?

They just fight and fight, then go their separate ways? I do kind of like the dialog exchange at the end, with an exhausted Spirit. Kind of amusing. I think Gabriel Macht’s performance as The Spirit got a bum rap due to the overall suckiness of the movie.

The whole Lorelei “death” stuff again… I dunno.

Were there whores in Will Eisner’s The Spirit comics? There are whores in everything Frank Miller does. Whores. With asses. And breasts. Whores. Frank Miller… loves… whores.

The Spirit and Sand Seref childhood sweetheart flashbacks oddly effective. Surprisingly. But… why does The Spirit tell it all to a cat… ? And then look at the camera when he explains what he has to do?

What the fuck is the blood of Heracles stuff? And what is up with samuari Octopus?  And all the weird killing of his henchmen?

Weird Robin joke about his tight ass. Hmmm. And Miller is (or was) writing a comic called All Star Batman & Robin, The Boy Wonder. Hmmmm.

Sand Saref photocopies her ass… ??? LOL… ?

His purse snatching stopping is hilarious, thief running right into The Spirit’s fist. And the dude, “Marry me?” LOL.

That chick cop sidekick is ridiculous. Horrible. Ug.

Foot with a head… ? The Octopus makes one of his clone thugs, but it becomes a foot with a head… and a squeaky voice? “Damn weird,” as Octopus says, is… and understatement. Maybe… “stupid.” That might be the correct word.

Kind of hilarious that Spirit finds Sand Seriff via her ass photocopy.

So… pseudo-girlfriend who dated The Spirit before he died when he was Denny Colt doesn’t know The Spirit is… Denny Colt? Still… decent scene between her and her dad, the dad from The Wonder Years.

Paz Vega as a French belly dancer?

And what is up with the Nazi shit? So weird.

“Dead as Star Trek?” What kind of line is that, Octopus? I guess before the new movie, sure, but c’mon.

What’s up with Octopus and eggs?

Melting a kitty cat? Eyeballs left over… ???

Then I fell asleep. Woke up to see Samuel L. Octopus blow up and The Spirit kiss Eva.

I dunno. What’d I miss? What’d I just kind of half watch?

On a scale from “sucky” to “good,” this leans more toward “sucky” — though there was some fun.