Ninjas Don’t Jazzercise

Ninjas don’t jazzercise

… keep the thunder out of their thighs.

……….For that they kick tons of ass.

Ninjas don’t diet

… a way to stay fit.

……….Badass assassinations keep ’em thin.

Ninjas don’t sweat to the oldies

… be free of ass fat foldies.

……….Airborne flipping is better than Richard Simmons’ moves.

Ninjas don’t jazzercise.

…..or freaking diet

……….or sweat to no oldies.




…..Which is wonderful exercise.

Mustachioed Ninja

Ninja with a mustache,

your hairy lip aids you in the kicking

of ass.

Whatever your reason for growing your ‘stache,

it works for you.

I say this true blue.

Show off your ‘stache,

and cut a ‘stache hole in  your mask…

In fear your enemies will bask.

Show off that sweet hairy lip…

Oh! And when you kick,

remember to pivot with your hip.

Look, put that razor down.

Without that godgiven ‘stache,

you look like an child clown.

Ninja, sweet mustchioed ninja,

you beautiful bastard,

don’t ever give up the dream.

Shaving your lip,

won’t make your enemies scream

… in terror.

Ninjas In Space!

Ninjas in space,
Whose side are they on?

Are they defending us from alien invaders?
Or are they Ninjutsu Darth Vaders?

I mean, what if they were up there,
In their astro-ninja-underwear,
Planning our downfall?
The global death of us all?

That’s probably the deal.
Ninjas freaking hate humanity.
At least that’s how I was raised to…
… raised… to… feel… ?

Holy shit.
Wait a minute.

Was I raised to hate ninjas?
To be a ninja hater?

No, I don’t blame Mom and Dad.
It’s society that’s bad.
The media, that’s who to blame…
… for my ninja-hating shame.

Just because they can kill me with a kick,
Doesn’t mean I have to be a dick.

Ninjas, on earth or in space,
are part of the human race.

So, I’m going to hug a ninja, and – ack!
I was just stabbed… with a ninja… sword…
… what a sneaky ninja attack.

Lesson learned?

Probably not.

Ninjas Are In Your Heart

Ninjas are in your heart.
Yeah, every organ has to do its part.
If a ninja was in your thigh…
that isn’t an organ, so it don’t

Ninjas don’t care about your dreams,
and they don’t live in your

Ninjas are stronger than your soul,
and, like you, they eat cereal
and milk
out of a bowl.

Ninjas are in your heart,
which is more important than

… of YOU!

Dude, a ninja could eat your HEART!