If you answered “yes” to the three questions in the subject line, swing by Golden Apple Comics on Melrose. There are many terrific reasons to go there, but I’m posting this right now because they have copies of my ninja poetry book “Do You Believe In Ninjas?” from Creative Guy Publishing in stock. The book is a weird little thing — not a spoof or a goof, just kinda goofy and spoofy … not really spoofy. It also features delightful illustrations from Chris Moreno. Honestly, you should own it.

If you are not able to make it to Golden Apple, you can always order the book on the Amazons dot coms.

Why a review of The Adjustment Bureau when it’s been out for almost a month now? Because I just saw it and a smart person suggested I do a review of it when I was complaining I didn’t write enough, that’s why. As to why I saw it so late, well, I get these free movie passes from donating blood platelets, and they only get me into movies that have been out a while. It was between this and Rango, which I also would like to see, but The Adjustment Bureau‘s show time was more convenient for me.

So, with that kinda need to see and passion, I was in for a superlative movie-going time. But first I had to get popcorn. This is where they get me, because, yeah, the movie is free, but now I’m spending money on popping corn, and, oh, gotta get soda to wash that down. Now we’re at $9.50 for a movie I only kinda want to see, and only then if it’s free. Oh well. I like popcorn.

Actually, I did want to see The Adjustment Bureau when I first started adds and cool billboards for it started popping up everywhere. I like the title and the Twilight Zone feel the movie seemed to have. Plus, what a swell cast. Matt Damon is swell, even if I always hope he’ll whip out some Jason Bourne moves in movies even when it’s not appropriate, Emily Blunt is lovey (and talented, but I’m a superficial bastard), and, c’mon! It’s got not only Roger Sterling, but General Zod as members of the sharply dressed title characters! (Yes, the dashingly silver haired actors who play Sterling and Zod have real names. Yes, I know what they are. No, I don’t want to call them by anything other than Sterling and Zod.)

Look, so, this is a review, right? There are going to be some spoilers. Nothing major, but if you don’t want anything about a month-old movie ruined for you, stop reading. You have been warned.

Anyway, Damon is this smooth talking, earnest, genuinely decent though sometimes rough around the edges fella with a tragic past who wants to be a senator. Blunt is a pretty dancer lady. They meet cute after Damon loses an election, and her playfulness and love of life or whatever rubs off on him, inspiring him to give a candid concession speech that makes him more popular than ever and a shoo-in for the next election. That’s the last they’re supposed to see of each other. Then chance or whatever sets in, and they meet again. And again.

The Adjustment Bureau, who might be kinda angels (and their unseen boss, “The Chairman,” might as well be God), don’t want these two crazy kids to get together because it’s not part of the mysterious plan, which is cooly represented in their journals as some kinda animated maze-lick schematic or something. So, basically, this becomes a sci fi romance of “will they or won’t they”? shenanigans versus fate or God or whatever.

There are some great themes, nice performances, and a good visual style. Unfortunately, the film’s score and soundtrack seemed… inappropriate to me. The score, by Thomas Newton, had a vaguely 80s action movie or drama feel. I barely remember it now, but at the time it did get in the way of my viewing pleasure. And then, at the end, during this go for broke chase scene involving cool Adjustment Bureau-y secret modes of travel and hats and running, they have a remix of the song “Fever,” which was just… weird. To me, anyway. Maybe it’s a bold choice that I just don’t get.

Aside from this weird soundtrack hang up I have, the movie is pretty fun. Questions of free will versus fate are always intriguing to me, and they’re presented well here. There’s some real tension and interesting twists. Damon and Blunt’s relationship is mostly believable, though Blunt’s character sometimes falls into the manic pixie dream girl trap. She’s very poised and smart, but at one point she drops Damon’s phone in a cup of coffee, and then later she “cutely” punches him in the stomach to win a playful race. Ladies, please don’t get ideas here. No matter how cute you are, most fellas will get justifiably pissed if you ruin their phones or gut check them.

The Adjustment Bureau folks themselves are all snazzy dressers who work out of a very nice office built with fine mahogany. They’re very similar to The Watchers on Fringe, but with hair and more personality, so they’re cool in different ways. Proceedings get kinda corny at various points right up to the end when it, but, all in all, it’s worth a viewing.

This has been D.J.’s just writing for the sake of writing something review of… The Adjustment Bureau!

I like to sometimes pretend I know karate. No, I don’t go doing karate moves or breaking bricks with a chop of my hand or kicking things. I just like to tell people I know karate.

Looking at me, one does not normally think, “Whoa. I am talking to a karate master. This big, doughy, pale yet red-nosed fellow is a master of karate. I should tread lightly.” The most common thought is more like, “This guy clearly enjoys fried foods and cheese. He should take better care of his insides.”

When that type of thinking, true as it may be, fills my brain, I decide I’d like to pretend I’m learning karate. It’s a subtle difference, but it’s a smaller kind of lie or, if I don’t blatantly say it aloud, gentle self-delusion.

Fooling myself into thinking I’m the kind of guy who is taking it upon himself to learn the ancient and understandably feared art of karate helps me walk a little taller. At 6’3″ walking taller might seem a bit excessive, but it helps my posture. And I look like a goon when I slouch, which is unfortunately often.

Yes, like millions (thousands?) of people on this earth, I could actually learn karate. The only thing stopping me from doing so is my own laziness. But that laziness makes me who I am. And who I am is a big lazy guy who thinks it’d be cool to know karate even if I’m too lazy to actually study karate and… try.

The ending doesn’t read as positive as I’d hoped.

Wow. It’s been a while, blog. I’ve been neglecting you, as I often do. I blame not only my usual laziness but also the likes of the Twitters and the Facebooks. They make getting bits of info and links out there so darn easy.

It’s gotten to the point that I have trouble holding a thought for more than 140 characters. On one hand, I feel very succinct of thought; on the other hand, this is a very pathetic turn of events.

It is worth noting that I have little to write about right now. Life is going along well enough, but as far as exciting tales to tell… I dunno. On the writing side of things, it’s a lot of pitches and waiting. Nothing to report since DO YOU BELIEVE IN NINJAS?, my book of ninja poetry with illustrations by Chris Moreno from Creative Guy Publishing. If you haven’t checked it out, it’s available on Amazon. I’ll also be bringing copies to the Anaheim Comic Con.

Oh, weird, that was some news, I suppose.

Also, if you’re in the LA-area, my favorite pancake place ever, THE GRIDDLE, has introduced a red velvet pancake! I mention this because I love red velvet cake, pancakes, and eating appallingly yet deliciously.

Is that it? Yeah, for now. But what a glorious image to end this on, despite the distressingly bad picture quality of my ancient camera phone.

Let’s see if I can manage to update again in less than two and 3/4 months!

When I first heard of “No Shave November,” I was like, “Hm… that’d be a good excuse not to shave.” And so… I joined in! I joined in with vigor!

It just so happened that I’d shaved for my Halloween costume. Yeah, Clark Kent AGAIN, but here’s a sample of that clean shaven face…

Now, ignore the look on my face… actually, just ignore my face entirely aside from the fact that that’s how I look after shaving with a razor and shaving cream and the whole bit.

My facial hair is one of the few manly things about me, so I was quite excited by the No Shave November possibilities. For serious, sand paper texture and 5 o’clock shadows appear moments after shaving… My hope was to have a big ol’ bushy monstrosity for all the world to fear after a month of not shaving or even trimming.

Instead…

It’s like the dang thing grew to a certain point and then stopped! This is barely different than a week’s worth of normal facial hair grooming neglect!

The moral of the story, kids, is that even my facial hair can let me down. That Sam Elliott ‘stache I was hoping to achieve for next year’s “Movember” now seems about as likely as my dream of becoming a karate expert via nothing but wishing…

Good-bye, dreams.