Maybe I’ve always been a nervous person. I’m not sure, as my memory is shockingly, weirdly bad. However, anxiety has been a problem for me for some time now, only getting worse as the years go on and on. Burying my brain in books, movies, TV, and and getting my drink on have historically been my ways of dealing with this. Distraction, basically.

On what I initially thought was an unrelated note, I went to my doctor about a year ago due to a weird kind of problem with my stomach and chest. Discomfort stuff that had nothing to do with food as far as I could tell. After a bunch of tests (three hour breathing into bags thing, ultrasound, pap smear, etc.) revealing nothing, my doctor asked when it was the worst, and, upon reflection, I realized it was when I was driving, an activity I’ve never been a fan of – especially in this gridlocked mess that is LA.

She took this to mean that perhaps my anxiety and stomach/chest mystery pains were indeed related. It had to do with nervous breathing, gulping air. Since there seemed to be no other reasons, it made sense. She prescribed me some Xanax, a kind of happy pill that helps with anxiety and panic attacks.

“It’s like drinking but without getting drunk.”

“What’s the point of that?” I wondered.

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