Drizzle Storm 2010

It’s been a tough few days here in the City of Angels/Vapidity. Fear began building as the skies, normally blue or blueish/smog-brown, became an ominous gray (or grey, if you’re British). Science, it seems, does not have a credible explanation as to what causes this, which makes it all the more terrifying.

After some time with the sun blocked from us by the unfashionably gray sky, tragedy hit yet again. Moisture began floating around, a misty drizzle that makes the drudgery of, well, living, all the more difficult. Grasping at straws for explanations, a shockingly logical conclusion has been reached by blow hard science-types…

The unnatural element of water is in! the! air!

This nonsense is still being disputed by non-scientist who talk loudly, but still, only one thing was certain: every single human here in the dream making land of Los Angeles has been immediately struck with terror… not knowing that it could get worse.

This mist, if we pretend science is to be believed instead of ridiculed, actually comes from the gray skies — yes, the two are reported to be related. The frighting air monsters (clouds) can also, when particularly enraged, release drops (actual DROPS!) of water onto humans below. This water makes those of us caught in it’s light, drizzly fall wet. It’s similar to a low water pressure shower, though one’s clothes remain on, and there is no soap or shampoo.

The panic this causes is palpable. This is a city damp and on edge. Freeway traffic, usually furiously aggressive and needlessly risky, is now timidly cautious… dangerously so. And still riskily risky, to be honest. It seems that this moisture from the heavens, when fallen upon a road, can make said road slick. This is a cause for caution, but Angelenos, not used to such inclement weather and the rough terrain it causes, are ill-prepared to deal with it. And sometimes fearful caution combined with lack of driving skills and knowledge of the difference between smart driving and being an asshole, can have worrisome results.

In short, this drizzle LA has faced in the past few days has raised the Sky Is Falling Panic Level from Alpha to Mohaghany. Watch the skies, citizens… because wetness is dripping off of them.

Terror of the MANEATER

When my brother, whom I shall call “Patrick” (because that is his name), and I were wee lil’ lads, we took the title to the Hall & Oates song “Maneater” literally. It terrified us. Well, it terrified me. I don’t want to speak for Patrick. He seemed like he was as scared as I was at the concept of a monster that will “chew you up,” but maybe not… Maybe Patrick was just playing along so as not to make his big brother feel embarrassed or shamed for fearing a pop song. I can’t say for sure, but, to my recollection, we both were at least a little afraid, maybe playfully so, of this song…

And meanwhile, our grandma, who was lovingly codenamed by her grandkids “Bobba,” had a creepy (to us anyway) pillow in her basement that was, if I remember correctly, round and kind of shaped like a lion’s face. This wasn’t it, but this is the closest picture of a similar lion-face kinda pillow I could find…

Okay, yeah, so… no. The lion pillow in the picture above is not scary. The real one, in my memory, was a little patchier, with a more angular and ferocious, less sleepy-time design. Still, it was a pillow shaped like a lion’s face. It was on a couch in our Bobba and Granddaddy’s basement.

Patrick and I used to, or, at least, at one point, would use the pillow as a mask and chase each other around, the pillow-masked one being the “Maneater.” Funny, running-around times based upon a pop song and a lion pillow and a couple of weirdo kids.

“Maneater.” Pop song about a lady who can rip a fella’s world apart with her womanly wiles and lady parts? Or a monster with a lion face that literally consumes men, chewing up their flesh? Different, meanings, different contexts… all terrifying.

Indeed, the song still kind of gives me the heebie jeebies. Now, however, in the interest of complete honesty, as I am wont to do in this blog-thing, I find I am afraid of the song for the legitimate lyric-based reasons, as the “Maneater” described, while not a flesh-eating monster as I once believed, is still a frightening being to me… really, a combo of both enters my head when I hear this song… which is more often than you might assume, as I think Hall & Oates are awesome.

Why do I think this? Because it is the truth. Hall & Oates are indeed awesome.