So, you must be wondering what happened after the crisis of my last post. Halloween was coming. I had no costume. It was time for the big dance, and I didn’t have a date!

After that post, I had the idea to use none of those ideas and be House from, you know, House. This would just require things I already had: jeans, sneakers, button up shirt, tee shirt underneath, stubble… and one thing I didn’t: a cane. But! My roommate has one! So, I asked him about it and figured I was done. Then he said, “What should I be, D.J.?”

After some twists and turns in life, it was obvious that HE should be House. It was his cane. He had the stubble that I ended up having to shave the day of the party for a temp job. It was all adding up.

But that left me back to ol’ square one! Jim from The Office became an option when I was working at the temp job and realized I was dressed just like Jim from The Office (gray slacks, white shirt, solid dark tie — yes, I study the man), plus the fact that I’m a tall cracker with brown hair who makes a lot of smug faces. But, nah, no one would get it just by looking at me.

Then Clark Kent into Superman became an option again, BUT, man, I’ve done that before. First time was in 1998 or something, back in college. Had to retire it.

Then! I saw my Preacher action figure in my room. Not any preacher, but Jesse Custer from the awesome DC/Vertigo comic PREACHER.

Yep. Just a piece of paper and some paperclips for the collar, then clothes I already had. Another successfully FREE Halloween costume! Sure, people just thought I was a regular ol’ preacher (albeit it a mean muggin’ one), but when I explained, people were either like, “Oh, I know that comic!” or “That sounds like a badass comic. I’ll have to check it out.”

Yeah, I’m a pretty cool dude.

How did Halloween sneak up on me? Sneaky night of Satan and candies! Dammit… Now only a few days to come up with a totally awesome (and easy and cheap — scratch that, FREE) costume!

Possible costumes for me:

1. Rogue (from X-MEN, people!)

Depending on how I part my hair at this point in “old life,” I totally have a white skunk stripe, Rogue style! Of course, I’m not a woman… but I can do a much better Southern accent than Anna Paquin. To wit, “Howdy, sugah.” I, too, also have excellent cleavage.

2. Chas Tenebaum, funeral edition.

I say “funeral edition” because I don’t have red track suit materials. I do have black track pants and almost matching jacket, though, which would fit his more somber attire during (SPOILER) the funeral scene at the end of the movie. My roommate has an afro wig, if I recall correctly. If I could get two miniature versions of myself, it’d be — ah, no time!

3. Clark Kent changing into Superman

Ah, this is an old standby. I’ve probably done this the past couple Halloweens, plus other here and there in-between other costumes. It’s easy, and I’m lazy. Still… been done to death by me and others (though I’m pretty sure I created it, darn it.) I do, however, have great cleavage. (Wait, what… ?)

4. My dad, circa 2004.

He was 53 then, and I’m only 32 now… but still, the comparison holds. All I’d have to do is grow a mustache. Is it too esoteric, though?

5. Batman!

Oh, crap! Why didn’t I think of this before??? It’ll be perfect, I can already do the voice and everything. I just need… a… um… a Batman costume. … Crap.

6. A Cylon “skinjob.”

Ha haaa! Pull a fast one on everybody. Ain’t no way to prove if I’m Cylon or human because Baltar’s tests are purposely flawed. And you know I got the cleavage for — wait, there are dude Cylons, too. Oh, also, my spine glows red during sex. (What… ?)

7. Captain Caveman

Just need to not shave for a day or two.

8. Jaws from James Bond.

Would this qualify as a costume, though?

9. “White D.J.”

That’s right, not the regular me — a white version of me. Racist? Naw… maybe reverse racist, but no one minds that. (… What… ?)

10. Uh… I dunno.

Any suggestions? A decision must be made…