Thankful for NINJA POETRY

Yes, Thanksgiving is upon us. I am thankful for a great many things (great family, great friends, great ladyfriend, great comics and tv shows, cheese)… but for this post I’d like to single out the release of my new book of ninja poetry called DO YOU BELIEVE IN NINJAS from Creative Guy Publishing! It’s a collection of my ninja poems from over the years plus loads of new ones with delightful illustrations by Chris Moreno!

Product description: A collection of the finest poetry about Ninjas ever collected. Well, at least that we know of – the others are all very very secret. Ever wonder how the modern ninja copes with daily life? Well, you should. Possibly not in the way this poet would have you believe, but then again, who’s to say? Including not one, two, but SEVEN ninja haiku slams, this will be the book that quite possibly gets its author killed in the night…

  • Paperback: 110 pages
  • Publisher: Creative Guy Publishing (November 15, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1894953762
  • ISBN-13: 978-1894953764

No, it’s not as stupid as it sounds. It’s stupider. If this appeals to you, and why shouldn’t it, you should order a copy! Or request it at your favorite bookstore. Or both! It’d make the perfect stocking stuffer assuming it is delivered before Christmas, and, if not — the perfect way to ring in the new year!

BOOK REVIEW: Adam P. Knave’s I Slept With Your Imaginary Friend

First off, full disclosure: Adam P. Knave is one of my best friends. We collaborate on a great many projects, co-writing or editing each other’s work on many occasion. Wauh heck, we even once took a sous-chef class together. (One of those things is not true.) Still, as Adam knows, I am one to keep it real, so this here review will be as unbiased as anything I’ve ever written.

This collection of essays and short stories I am about to review, PG-13ingly entitled I SLEPT WITH YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND, was written by Adam P. Knave and published by Creative Guy Publishing. As not only a fan of Adam’s writing but also a friend (a real one with whom he hasn’t slept), I purchased this book and commenced the reading. Having finished it, I am now glad I learned to read. Finally.

This attractively slim tome, containing quick, ADD-appropriate entries of everything from stories about mad scientists to essays exploring comic book wackiness and Pop Tarts, is, first and foremost, just a fun darn read. One surprising surprise for me was that, despite having already read some of these on the interwebnets (I often visit his site and was also an editor for a site where some of these bits of word amusement first appeared), I found myself chuckling quite a bit, especially considering I read most of this particular collection completely sober. Part of this might be the joy of words on dead trees that, despite my love of the internet, a computer screen just cannot replicate.

Twenty-six tales in 108 pages. That’s some jam packed jam packedness, people.

Standouts include “Hooray For Luke Cage,” which I had indeed read on the interwebs before, but it definitely contained extreme re-readiblilty. Adam explores the lengths Marvel’s Hero For Hire will go to for $200. Like all the entries about comics (others featuring the debuts of Dazzler and The Legion of Super-Heroes), it takes an amused and jokey look at these stories, but the affection Adam has for the comics about which he’s writing is clear. It actually makes me want to read a comic about Dazzler singing to a crowd of superheroes overdressed for the disco, which is no small feat.

There are a couple multi-part stories featuring the reckless science of Professor Ezekiel Alphonse Horatio McFlurryphontos, the results of which are always catastrophic yet thoughtful, and diary entries by an emo teen — oh, who is also happens to be a ninja.

Two standouts, for me anyway, include the first story, “Why I Don’t Date.” Now, normally I’d encourage a single guy with lots to offer like Adam to get out there and meet some ladies, but after reading this? I understand why he might sometimes avoid such things. I also laughed situations in a way that cause me shame due to my repressed nature. Another tale, “Handbasket,” has a slightly darker tone that’s very compelling — I don’t want to give anything away on that one.

Variety. That’s what Adam P. Knave whips up in I SLEPT WITH YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND. A variety of different words put together in different arrangements about different subjects that all form to make twenty-six fun word groupings.

Here’s the deal: 10 bucks for a minimum of 1,000 laughs. That’s a penny a laugh. A penny! We all need some laughs now and again, and in these difficult economic times, a penny is one heck of a deal. That’s the deal.

Where Have I Been???

Boy oh boy, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on this site. WHO do I think I am? WHAT have I been doing? WHEN will I start writing more regularly? WHERE have I been? And WHY have I been WHERE ever I’ve been and WHAT was I doing there and WHO was I with? There are several theories, but I’m not sure if any of them are true…

1. In the over two months since I wrote my last post, I just started living like a rockstar. For no logical reason, as I am not, in fact, a star of rock. Irregardless, the regular sociatal norms ceased to pertain to me, which lead to booze (okay, cough syrup), drugs, leather pants, and some unbelievable karate adventures.

2. I decided to give back to my community. Unfortunately, instead of behaving like a regular human, perhaps volunteering at a soup kitchen or cleaning the side of a highway or building some houses, I figured my best contribution would be to become a costumed vigalante. This has to do probably with my love of comics and lack of brain logic. I’ve just now been released from the ICU. Sadly, those punks still got that old lady’s purse. And my “Super D.J.” costume is a damn mess.

3. A steady stream of Kraft Mac & Chee. Just shoveling that stuff in my maw for two damn months. Overdose on orange cheese powder. The amount of margerine in my bloodstream is unheard of, and I’m lucky to be alive. If can you call this mac & cheese delirium living.

4. All of the above.

5. None of the above.

Yeah, I’m keeping it all mysterious like. One things for sure, though: I need to redesign this site some. It’s so ugly. Another thing’s for sure, though, also: redesigning my little-known website would be such a waste of time when there are so many more productive things I should be doing. (Comic book pitches, Ninja Poetry Book writing, weapons training, gold lamé pants shopping.)

But I just wanted to check in, since I’m still paying for this URL and all that. Maybe next time I’ll write about SOMEthing.

Love,

D.J.

What does one do with the lemons life sometimes gives one?

This is a pretty good question, in my humble opinion, and I cannot believe no one has ever asked it before. Indeed, what does one do when life says, “Here are some lemons, person”?

I suggest the following:

  1. Get a knife and a cutting board.
  2. Cut the lemon into four wedges.
  3. Get a glass.
  4. Put ice in the glass.
  5. Pour water into the glass with the ice already in it.
  6. Take one of the four lemon wedges into your hands by picking it up.
  7. Squeeze the lemon juice from said wedge into the glass of water and ice.
  8. Drop the wedge right into the glass containing ice and water and lemon juice.
  9. Fucking throw the other three lemon wedges away before they attract fruit flies or something.
  10. Enjoy a refreshing ice cold glass of lemon water.

You’re welcome.