Boy oh boy, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on this site. WHO do I think I am? WHAT have I been doing? WHEN will I start writing more regularly? WHERE have I been? And WHY have I been WHERE ever I’ve been and WHAT was I doing there and WHO was I with? There are several theories, but I’m not sure if any of them are true…

1. In the over two months since I wrote my last post, I just started living like a rockstar. For no logical reason, as I am not, in fact, a star of rock. Irregardless, the regular sociatal norms ceased to pertain to me, which lead to booze (okay, cough syrup), drugs, leather pants, and some unbelievable karate adventures.

2. I decided to give back to my community. Unfortunately, instead of behaving like a regular human, perhaps volunteering at a soup kitchen or cleaning the side of a highway or building some houses, I figured my best contribution would be to become a costumed vigalante. This has to do probably with my love of comics and lack of brain logic. I’ve just now been released from the ICU. Sadly, those punks still got that old lady’s purse. And my “Super D.J.” costume is a damn mess.

3. A steady stream of Kraft Mac & Chee. Just shoveling that stuff in my maw for two damn months. Overdose on orange cheese powder. The amount of margerine in my bloodstream is unheard of, and I’m lucky to be alive. If can you call this mac & cheese delirium living.

4. All of the above.

5. None of the above.

Yeah, I’m keeping it all mysterious like. One things for sure, though: I need to redesign this site some. It’s so ugly. Another thing’s for sure, though, also: redesigning my little-known website would be such a waste of time when there are so many more productive things I should be doing. (Comic book pitches, Ninja Poetry Book writing, weapons training, gold lamé pants shopping.)

But I just wanted to check in, since I’m still paying for this URL and all that. Maybe next time I’ll write about SOMEthing.

Love,

D.J.

This is a pretty good question, in my humble opinion, and I cannot believe no one has ever asked it before. Indeed, what does one do when life says, “Here are some lemons, person”?

I suggest the following:

1. Get a knife and a cutting board.
2. Cut the lemon into four wedges.
3. Get a glass.
4. Put ice in the glass.
5. Pour water into the glass with the ice already in it.
6. Take one of the four lemon wedges into your hands by picking it up.
7. Squeeze the lemon juice from said wedge into the glass of water and ice.
8. Drop the wedge right into the glass containing ice and water and lemon juice.
9. Fucking throw the other three lemon wedges away before they attract fruit flies or something.
10. Enjoy a refreshing ice cold glass of lemon water.

You’re welcome.