When I first heard of “No Shave November,” I was like, “Hm… that’d be a good excuse not to shave.” And so… I joined in! I joined in with vigor!

It just so happened that I’d shaved for my Halloween costume. Yeah, Clark Kent AGAIN, but here’s a sample of that clean shaven face…

Now, ignore the look on my face… actually, just ignore my face entirely aside from the fact that that’s how I look after shaving with a razor and shaving cream and the whole bit.

My facial hair is one of the few manly things about me, so I was quite excited by the No Shave November possibilities. For serious, sand paper texture and 5 o’clock shadows appear moments after shaving… My hope was to have a big ol’ bushy monstrosity for all the world to fear after a month of not shaving or even trimming.

Instead…

It’s like the dang thing grew to a certain point and then stopped! This is barely different than a week’s worth of normal facial hair grooming neglect!

The moral of the story, kids, is that even my facial hair can let me down. That Sam Elliott ‘stache I was hoping to achieve for next year’s “Movember” now seems about as likely as my dream of becoming a karate expert via nothing but wishing…

Good-bye, dreams.

Ninja with a mustache,

your hairy lip aids you in the kicking

of ass.

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Whatever your reason for growing your ‘stache,

it works for you.

I say this true blue.

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Show off your ‘stache,

and cut a ‘stache hole in  your mask…

In fear your enemies will bask.

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Show off that sweet hairy lip…

Oh! And when you kick,

remember to pivot with your hip.

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Look, put that razor down.

Without that godgiven ‘stache,

you look like an child clown.

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Ninja, sweet mustchioed ninja,

you beautiful bastard,

don’t ever give up the dream.

-

Shaving your lip,

won’t make your enemies scream

… in terror.