No Shave November Ends Not With A Bang…

When I first heard of “No Shave November,” I was like, “Hm… that’d be a good excuse not to shave.” And so… I joined in! I joined in with vigor!

It just so happened that I’d shaved for my Halloween costume. Yeah, Clark Kent AGAIN, but here’s a sample of that clean shaven face…

Now, ignore the look on my face… actually, just ignore my face entirely aside from the fact that that’s how I look after shaving with a razor and shaving cream and the whole bit.

My facial hair is one of the few manly things about me, so I was quite excited by the No Shave November possibilities. For serious, sand paper texture and 5 o’clock shadows appear moments after shaving… My hope was to have a big ol’ bushy monstrosity for all the world to fear after a month of not shaving or even trimming.


It’s like the dang thing grew to a certain point and then stopped! This is barely different than a week’s worth of normal facial hair grooming neglect!

The moral of the story, kids, is that even my facial hair can let me down. That Sam Elliott ‘stache I was hoping to achieve for next year’s “Movember” now seems about as likely as my dream of becoming a karate expert via nothing but wishing…

Good-bye, dreams.

Mustachioed Ninja

Ninja with a mustache,

your hairy lip aids you in the kicking

of ass.

Whatever your reason for growing your ‘stache,

it works for you.

I say this true blue.

Show off your ‘stache,

and cut a ‘stache hole in ¬†your mask…

In fear your enemies will bask.

Show off that sweet hairy lip…

Oh! And when you kick,

remember to pivot with your hip.

Look, put that razor down.

Without that godgiven ‘stache,

you look like an child clown.

Ninja, sweet mustchioed ninja,

you beautiful bastard,

don’t ever give up the dream.

Shaving your lip,

won’t make your enemies scream

… in terror.