Yes, Thanksgiving is upon us. I am thankful for a great many things (great family, great friends, great ladyfriend, great comics and tv shows, cheese)… but for this post I’d like to single out the release of my new book of ninja poetry called DO YOU BELIEVE IN NINJAS from Creative Guy Publishing! It’s a collection of my ninja poems from over the years plus loads of new ones with delightful illustrations by Chris Moreno!
Product description: A collection of the finest poetry about Ninjas ever collected. Well, at least that we know of – the others are all very very secret. Ever wonder how the modern ninja copes with daily life? Well, you should. Possibly not in the way this poet would have you believe, but then again, who’s to say? Including not one, two, but SEVEN ninja haiku slams, this will be the book that quite possibly gets its author killed in the night…
- Paperback: 110 pages
- Publisher: Creative Guy Publishing (November 15, 2010)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1894953762
- ISBN-13: 978-1894953764
No, it’s not as stupid as it sounds. It’s stupider. If this appeals to you, and why shouldn’t it, you should order a copy! Or request it at your favorite bookstore. Or both! It’d make the perfect stocking stuffer assuming it is delivered before Christmas, and, if not — the perfect way to ring in the new year!
Ninjas in space,
Whose side are they on?
Are they defending us from alien invaders?
Or are they Ninjutsu Darth Vaders?
I mean, what if they were up there,
In their astro-ninja-underwear,
Planning our downfall?
The global death of us all?
Thatâ€™s probably the deal.
Ninjas freaking hate humanity.
At least thatâ€™s how I was raised toâ€¦
â€¦ raisedâ€¦ toâ€¦ feelâ€¦ ?
Wait a minute.
Was I raised to hate ninjas?
To be a ninja hater?
No, I donâ€™t blame Mom and Dad.
Itâ€™s society thatâ€™s bad.
The media, thatâ€™s who to blameâ€¦
â€¦ for my ninja-hating shame.
Just because they can kill me with a kick,
Doesnâ€™t mean I have to be a dick.
Ninjas, on earth or in space,
are part of the human race.
So, Iâ€™m going to hug a ninja, and â€“ ack!
I was just stabbedâ€¦ with a ninjaâ€¦ swordâ€¦
â€¦ what a sneaky ninja attack.
Ninjas are in your heart.
Yeah, every organ has to do its part.
If a ninja was in your thigh…
that isn’t an organ, so it don’t
Ninjas don’t care about your dreams,
and they don’t live in your
Ninjas are stronger than your soul,
and, like you, they eat cereal
out of a bowl.
Ninjas are in your heart,
which is more important than
… of YOU!
Dude, a ninja could eat your HEART!
Ninjas watch football
they love the competition
and the tight, tight pants
When ninjas drink too much coffee,
their teeth take on the color of toffee.
A belly full of this fine ass roast,
ain’t always something of which to boast.
Dig it: ninjas have to be stealthy…
…quiet and sneaky to stay healthy…
… and if they kill for money, to get wealthy.
But drinking coffee effs with their digestion…
Weird noises abound,
causing sneaking around,
without making a sound,
kinda out of the question.
That type of noisy stomach shit could get a ninja killed, man.
Ninjas should not drink too much coffee.