1. I’m preemptively thankful that today I’m going to eat the fuck outta some turkey and the hell outta some sides and the crap outta some pie today. Seriously, when I’m doing eating, there will be no more fuck left in that turkey, no more hell left in the sides, and no crap left in the pie. Woo!!!

2. I’m thankful that no one seems to hate me anymore. Well, there’s that one… but, well, no one where I live or with whom I communicate on a regular or semi-regular basis. That’s good, because I surprisingly, despite my behavior, don’t like being hated.

3. I’m equally thankful that I  don’t currently hate anyone. That’s a big deal. Carrying that crap around is exhausting, so it’s a relief to be hate-free. Life is short, so forgive what you can and just move on. That’s my unsolicited advice.

4. Boy am I thankful that robots haven’t taken over the earth and enslaved the human race. Today wouldn’t be any fun at all if we were doing backbreaking labor per the orders of our robot overlords instead of stuffing our faces with family and loved ones. Wait… that read wrong. I’m not referring to cannibalism. I mean… stuffing our faces with good food whilst being around our family and loved ones. Sans slavery under robots. Thanks for that.

5. I’m very thankful that, despite everything that’s gone wrong or been tough for me this year,  I still have hope. It’s a good emotion, and one that I used to lack a bit. It’s easy for me to get down, especially when things have gone the way they’ve gone this year past, but I’m hopeful for the future. That’s a big thing to be thankful for (or, more formally, “for which to be thankful.)

Eat lots of turkey and stuffing and pie, readers! Happy Thanksgiving!!!