Know Thine Enemy

Trapped in rural Ohio by my own devices. Everyone in the house is asleep by 8:30pm. Jay Leno, my archest of enemies other than myself, has a new show premiering at 10pm. I don’t like myself, so of course I’m going to try to watch it.


Long monologue. Um… Seinfeld wore an ironic tux, uh… yeah, I couldn’t get through most of it, but the Kanye West awkwardness was FASCINATING! No, I did not watch the MTV Video Music Awards (and haven’t since, I dunno, Chris Rock hosted maybe?) but I heard about Kanye’s douchiness when the weirdly plastic Taylor Swift won best video or whatever instead of Beyonce, something that apparently upset Kanye to the point of getting on stage and messing up Swift’s acceptance speech.

So, in an almost Hugh Grant-esque shaming (for the old folk) Leno brings up Kanye’s dead mom. “What would your mom say about this?”

Holy shit, you lantern-jawed bastard who may or may not be my illegitimate father! That is amazing! Really? He says something dumb (as is Kanye’s way), and you bring up… his dead… mother??? And then, wow, the silence from Kanye as he tried to think of what to say. Was that about, what, eight minutes of dead air on “prime time” network television? Okay, maybe not that long, but still…

Thankfully, Kanye pledged to help Taylor Swift in some way whenever she needs it.

I haven’t checked, but they better be Facebook friends.

Ah… I woudln’t mind eating at “The House of Poon,” though. Good one, Jay. Real classy-like.

(The real victim here is Conan O’Brien. Finally gets The Tonight Show to be preceded by this? Bah!!!)