So… while visiting the family, after everyone goes to sleep way earlier than I can, I got The Spirit on discount pay-per-view to avoid “alone thinking.” Anyway, it was only $1.99, and not my money. (Sorry, Mom.) So, yeah, I decided to watch it. Here are my thoughts as I watched it. (WARNING 1: Spoilers. WARNING 2: Not a review. Seriously. Just… random thoughts. WARNING 3: Might not be readable.)
Wow. Wow wow. From the first shot, you know you’re in for a treat. A treat that requires beers. And sleep deprivation. And nothing better to do with your life.
But darn if some of the shots and angles at the opening and the very Danny Elfman-esque Batman music aren’t fairly entertaining.
Not sure what the “Lorelei Angel of Death” (Jamie King even though I wouldn’t know that just from watching the movie) stuff is all about. Something lost in the translation? And Samuel L. Jackson as The Octopus? Yikes. Eye makeup disaster.
This is one case where writer/director Frank Miller being a dirty old man helped, though. Good god did he cast pretty ladies. I think… wait… all the ladies in this are very pretty. Some ugly guys, but ALL pretty ladies. Oh, there’s Eva Mendes as Sand Saref. She was cast for her acting chops. Obviously.
All slow and oddly unengaging, though.
Triplet (multiple) villain clones are horrible. It’s Edgar from 24, but… yeah, just… just bad. Not funny.
Scarlett Johansson as Silken Floss… god, she sucks in this right from jump street. Her usually husky voice is less husky, even thought it’d work for this part.
Octopus beating the Spirit with someone’s head??? Fighting in shit? I dunno. Some of the shots are cool, but this fight scene, like the rest of the movie so far, is just so fucking boring. Do kind of enjoy the Spirit just punching Octopus over and over and over again, almost comically repetition.
Samuel L. embarrasses himself. And, contrary to his line, toilets are NOT always funny.
How can a fight scene be so fucking boring?
They just fight and fight, then go their separate ways? I do kind of like the dialog exchange at the end, with an exhausted Spirit. Kind of amusing. I think Gabriel Macht’s performance as The Spirit got a bum rap due to the overall suckiness of the movie.
The whole Lorelei “death” stuff again… I dunno.
Were there whores in Will Eisner’s The Spirit comics? There are whores in everything Frank Miller does. Whores. With asses. And breasts. Whores. Frank Miller… loves… whores.
The Spirit and Sand Seref childhood sweetheart flashbacks oddly effective. Surprisingly. But… why does The Spirit tell it all to a cat… ? And then look at the camera when he explains what he has to do?
What the fuck is the blood of Heracles stuff? And what is up with samuari Octopus? And all the weird killing of his henchmen?
Weird Robin joke about his tight ass. Hmmm. And Miller is (or was) writing a comic called All Star Batman & Robin, The Boy Wonder. Hmmmm.
Sand Saref photocopies her ass… ??? LOL… ?
His purse snatching stopping is hilarious, thief running right into The Spirit’s fist. And the dude, “Marry me?” LOL.
That chick cop sidekick is ridiculous. Horrible. Ug.
Foot with a head… ? The Octopus makes one of his clone thugs, but it becomes a foot with a head… and a squeaky voice? “Damn weird,” as Octopus says, is… and understatement. Maybe… “stupid.” That might be the correct word.
Kind of hilarious that Spirit finds Sand Seriff via her ass photocopy.
So… pseudo-girlfriend who dated The Spirit before he died when he was Denny Colt doesn’t know The Spirit is… Denny Colt? Still… decent scene between her and her dad, the dad from The Wonder Years.
Paz Vega as a French belly dancer?
And what is up with the Nazi shit? So weird.
“Dead as Star Trek?” What kind of line is that, Octopus? I guess before the new movie, sure, but c’mon.
What’s up with Octopus and eggs?
Melting a kitty cat? Eyeballs left over… ???
Then I fell asleep. Woke up to see Samuel L. Octopus blow up and The Spirit kiss Eva.
I dunno. What’d I miss? What’d I just kind of half watch?
On a scale from “sucky” to “good,” this leans more toward “sucky” — though there was some fun.