Writing is way too difficult for me – when one considers the fact that I claim to be a writer (when not claiming to be a robot superhero). Some folks just have so many damn ideas and don’t have time to get them all out. That fascinates me. Oh, what a problem to with which to valiantly struggle!

When I was younger it was different. I remember in junior high school, maybe seventh grade, we had creative writing assignments. The teacher, Mrs. Smith (who always had a large cup of soda on her desk… how I wanted some of that soda… I often imagined it was Mountain Dew), gave us a minimum word count for each story. I don’t remember what that word count was, but I always went over it. I asked if it was okay to do this, which seemed to surprise the teacher – and my fellow students. They had no idea why I wanted to write more than necessary. I wasn’t sure either. Then I thought about it and came to a conclusion…

Writing is loads of fun.

And it continued to be for such a long time. I started writing epic adventure stories loosely based upon me and my best friends Nate, Tadd, and Patrick (who also doubles as my brother)… well, based upon us if we were somehow vaguely descended from Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, and, strangely, Inspector Clouseau (which I misspelled “Clueso” – an accident at first, but then I decided to keep it that way because it was all “Clue? So?” … so clever).

The stories were not really inspired by the Sherlock Holmes adventures. I read Author Conan Doyle’s stories, and I had a ridiculous love for the movie Young Sherlock Holmes (still do, kinda), but the stories I wrote were really just putting me and my friends (or absurdly exaggerated versions of us) in crazy adventures that barely qualified as mysteries. Lots of non sequitors, silly action, and goofy dialog – mostly done to make us all laugh.

Handwritten stories in spiral bound notebooks was my technique. Sometimes the length of a story (or “book,” as I called them) was dependent on the notebook, actually – a sign of quality?

I’d wake up before school to write (or draw), and then write when I got home. So, while it seems difficult nowadays, it must not have always felt that way. I mean, even right now, I’m thinking, “I promised around 600 words every Monday, and I do not want to let down my reader!” I’ve gone from a footloose kid who just had to write, filling notebooks with silly adventures, to this crotchety old cuss who has trouble blogging.

This might not be the best subject for a blog, actually, but… well, it might be interesting to read about a writer who has trouble writing. I don’t know. Is it?

My hope is that by writing these blogs, I’ll get the writing muscles stronger again, and that’ll help me get some of my enthusiasm for the writing. And with that, hopefully I’ll start doing it more consistently and more… better…er… more betterer.

It just takes more discipline, I suppose. Back when I was writing stories with pencil, getting that magical graphite all over my left hand as a sign of having written, I had far less distractions. I mean, typing on the computer as I’m doing now, I have the internets right at my finger tips! How many times have I checked my email then drifted off to other sites before remembering that I’m writing this very blog? I’m not sure of the answer, but it’s definitely happened more times than it should. (Appropriate number of times for this to occur: zero.) It’s just so easy to do. I’m fighting the urge to check my Twitter page now. (I hope you’re not fighting similar urges for your own Twitter or Facebook or whatever else the kids are using to crap out often inappropriately personal info to a worldwide audience while reading this, dear reader, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you were.)

This is just another writerly discipline issue, though. So! I must write more and stay focused on my writing while writing!

My interest in this whole Leno vs. Conan thing isn’t some misguided worrying about the financial or career fates of millionaires. Honestly, I’m just sick of unfunny comedy being more popular than funny comedy. It’s that simple. Two & A Half Men is the most popular sitcom on television while Community struggles in the ratings. This is ridiculous and fairly embarrassing to God’s America in my admittedly kind of comedy snobby opinion, but so long as they’re both on for their respective fans to enjoy, fine.

Now, if Two & A Half Men wanted Community’s time slot? I mean, not just to go up against it on another network, but to actually kick Community off the air and in that very time slot instead show Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer say horrible, unfunny things about women? Well, then I’d be up in arms! (By “up in arms,” I mean blogging on my less popular than seems possible bloggy blog here, I suppose.)

If Leno gets the Tonight Show back at the expense of Conan, it’s just another example of mediocrity winning. Now, maybe I should be happy about this, as it bodes well for my writing career, but, be that is at may very well be, I don’t want mediocre material rewarded. It’s not a major catastrophe or something important in a real world sense, no, but it isn’t completely trivial. Good humor is smart humor (even good dumb humor has intelligence behind it). The once funny Leno represents the dumbing down of comedy, specifically, American comedy. I don’t want America to be a dumb country of Jaywalkers.

Hopefully, at the very least, Conan will go to another network with his entire crew in tact and thrive. This is all very disappointing, though, just in the sense that quality doesn’t always prevail.

This is old… well, internet old. But it makes me laugh, and just in case my reader hasn’t seen it yet, I want to share… Because it makes me laugh. It makes me laugh way too much. One minor complaint, but I don’t want to spoil it, so I’ll complain below.

Don’t spoil the magic by reading my deep, insightful criticism of this near-perfect amalgam of comedy, R&B, country, and hot, hot sexiness… Watch that video up there, then read below… For reals, now.
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Okay, so this is a song chronicling the beautifully erotic love affair between Andy Samburg and an alternate-reality Reba McEntire. I wish it’d just gone on like this was just Reba, not some homeless dude that found a wig. Though I do kind of like the conflicting realities of the song… still, it’d be even more surreal if they just insisted this was the real Reba.

I’ve given this too much thought, I know.

Hi, reader(s)!

In an effort to entertain you more betterer and to write more, I now declare that I will post a longish (at least 600 word) blog entry every Monday. For those of you that read the late, great THE FOOTNOTE, these posts will be similar to my old “Pure Lard” column.

On days other than Monday, there will still be randomly unpredictable posts about movies or TV shows or comics or books or real life or whatever and the occasional YouTube video and miscellaneous fun link, too. But every Monday? Yeah. Original content about stuff and things.

Also, I like burritos.

Love,

D.J.

I need a watch.

For a few years now, I’ve been using my cellular telephone to tell the time, much like our ancestors used the sun and… shadows. This is usually a perfectly acceptable manner of time telling. My hands and wrists are unadorned with any jewelry — rings or bracelets (or whatever the masculine word for “bracelets” is… if that’s possible… “gauntlets,” perhaps?), and at some point in my life, a watch started feeling dangerously close to such a too-flashy-for-me accessory.

Read the rest of this entry →

So, I was born and raised in Ohio but have been living in Los Angeles, CA for, holy crap, five years? A little over that?

Do I have complaints? Hell yeah, I do. The cost of living — geez. It’s insane. The pollution — that smog cloud you can se when you fly in is pretty freaky. The people — no, no, not all of them, but… maybe it’s because there are so many actors, but I just don’t know where I stand with LA folk much of the time. Oh, and the traffic — fuck, man, the traffic is nuts.

But you know what I have NO complaints about? The weather. The weather in LA is delightful! Sometimes I think, “I miss the seasons,” though. The seasons help one mark the passage of time. Spring, with its renewal. Summer, with the, you know sun — well, that’s LA all the time. Arguably the two best seasons, though I miss Fall.

But winter?

Man, fuck winter! I’ve whined about missing snow before, but now? After a week of snow in some crazy Ohioan tundra? First in Northern Ohio and now in Southern Ohio? It’s ridiculous!!!

Looking outside, it is pretty. Sure, I’ll admit that. Just a sea of white, flakes falling from the sky… which is also pretty white. It’s almost unreal. But I feel trapped in the house! It’s that cabin fever I’ve forgotten about living in the permanent swell weather of Smell A! There’s no way I can go out and drive somewhere. And my sister is still at work, so I’m worried about her driving home.

Snow is absurd. Yes, it’s cheaper to live in Ohio than in Southern California, but… is the CA weather worth the steep cost of living price? I’m beginning to wonder. Maybe I’ll be missing the seasons a little less when I return to LA this Saturday… IF I can return — weather pending.

Everyone who wants to see this has seen it, right? Well, I’m posting it anyway.

Kneejerk reactions to Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor are: “Boo! I miss David Tennant!” And, “He’s toooooo young!” And, “His head is HUUUGE!” From the regeneration scene in “The End Of Time, Part 2″ and this trailer, he seems energetic, at least. And, personally, I dig the hair.

Also, perhaps more importantly, new show runner Stephen Moffat has written some of the best New Who episodes ever. AND Jekyll kicks ass. AND what I’ve seen of Coupling is delightful.

And actress Karen Gillan, The Doctor’s new companion? So purdy. I assume she’s a good actress, too, seeing as how she was cast and all.

Okay, basically, I am really hoping this show is great. Why would anyone hope for anything else? Sure, we don’t know, and, yeah, there are kneejerk reactions, but one should wish for the best, yeah? Tennant was “my” Doctor (every fan has one, right?), but I have my fingers crossed for the new team.

I feel like, as someone who occasionally blogs, I should write about my favorite whatevers for the past year — maybe the past decade. Lots of folks have made some great lists. Lists about movies. Lists about TV shows. Lists about… well, lots of forms of entertainment.

I’ve done year end lists before, but, honestly, I don’t have the best memory. I’ve seen lots of movies I like, read lots of good books, and watched lots of excellent TV over the year and the decade, but it’s tough to pick favorites. Honestly, I don’t even know what movies I saw this year. Saw a lot of them, though. And watched a hell of a lot of TV. Way too much. Didn’t read enough, tough.

I dunno, here are Five of My Favorite Entertainment-Type Things That Came Out This Past Decade (In No Particular Order)…

Doctor Who – Just been watching the freaking two day marathon on BBC America leading up to David Tennant’s final appearance as The Doctor tonight. (The Brits saw this on January 1st — between this and the cool accents, I’m quite jealous.). I used to hate Doctor Who — the original series — as a kid. It was on PBS, and it just freaked me out. Weird video and film combos, creepy cheap fx, etc. I think I’ll revisit them one day. The new one, though? Love it. So over the top and fun and weird and emotional — and rarely making a lick of sense. It’s the most entertainment I get from staring at the television.

Batman Begins/The Dark Knight – Holy shit! Batman kicked ass in the movies this past decade! Well, wait… when did the last shitty Batman movie (Batman and Robin) come out? Ah, forget it, I’m not looking it up. These two rule. Christian Bales is a great Batman/Bruce Wayne, and, well, we all know that Heath Ledger’s Joker ruled… yeah, these are stellar flicks.

Y The Last Man – From issue one to issue sixty, so many great stories featuring a world where all the males die, save one fella and his monkey. It’s a great road story with many surprising detours and lots to say on male/female relations and just humanity as a whole. Scary, exciting, funny, heartbreaking — great stuff.

Arrested Development - Funniest sitcom ever! I had no idea I liked Jason Bateman! And every other actor was just perfect. Such a hilarious, layered, and wacky-ass show. I revisit all three seasons once in a while. Great show to just watch in a marathon.

When You Are Engulfed In Flames – David Sedaris’s books of essays are always terrific, fast reads. This is the latest one, and it might be my favorite. As funny as his others overall, but with a little more gravitas throughout. His work has really inspired my own writing — not in ways that might be apparent, he is successful and acclaimed after all.

I left out and forgot so much. David Egger’s A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius came out in 2000, I think. That book blew my damn mind, finding hope in humor in an almost unbelievably tragic situation. The Battlestar Galactica remake with the Olmos was great up until maybe the last half of season four — and even then it was still really good. I loved Wes Anderson’s The Royal Tenenbaums just keeps getting better with age. Jeff Smith’s all-in-one Bone collection was released this decade, and it’s such an amazing work of cartooning, adventure, and fun. The novel It’s Superman! by Tom De Haven was one of my favorite versions of Superman’s origin ever (the character works so good in the 1940s), as was Mark Waid and Lencil Yu’s comic mini-series Superman: Birthright — a more modern take. Oh, crap! And Grant Morrison and Frank Quietly’s All-Star Superman — perfection! The Shield is maybe the best cop show I’ve ever seen, though I’m not through it yet. Fell by Warren Ellis and Ben Templesmith — twisted and glorious. Did Transmetropolitan by Ellis and Darick Robertson come out this decade? What about Garth Ennis and Steven Dillon’s Preacher? If so, they should be on a best of list. Baaaah…

I’m forgetting so much.

Ah, this is why I suck at these lists. I really enjoy being entertained, though.

Lots of shit this past decade, and I’m glad it’s over — but there were some good times, too.

Comic Book Resources staff writer Josh Wigler interviewed POPGUN 4 contributors Jeffrey Brown, Frank Stockton, Amanda Becker, Janet Kim, Andy Ristiano, and yours truly for a terrific article at Comic Book Resources.

Complete with some story descriptions from the creators themselves as well as preview art — check it out and leave a comment if you’re so moved!