Category Archives: Writing

Thankful for NINJA POETRY

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Yes, Thanksgiving is upon us. I am thankful for a great many things (great family, great friends, great ladyfriend, great comics and tv shows, cheese)… but for this post I’d like to single out the release of my new book of ninja poetry called DO YOU BELIEVE IN NINJAS from Creative Guy Publishing! It’s a collection of my ninja poems from over the years plus loads of new ones with delightful illustrations by Chris Moreno!

Product description: A collection of the finest poetry about Ninjas ever collected. Well, at least that we know of – the others are all very very secret. Ever wonder how the modern ninja copes with daily life? Well, you should. Possibly not in the way this poet would have you believe, but then again, who’s to say? Including not one, two, but SEVEN ninja haiku slams, this will be the book that quite possibly gets its author killed in the night…

  • Paperback: 110 pages
  • Publisher: Creative Guy Publishing (November 15, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1894953762
  • ISBN-13: 978-1894953764

No, it’s not as stupid as it sounds. It’s stupider. If this appeals to you, and why shouldn’t it, you should order a copy! Or request it at your favorite bookstore. Or both! It’d make the perfect stocking stuffer assuming it is delivered before Christmas, and, if not — the perfect way to ring in the new year!

TRES POWER MEN theme song

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TRES POWER MEN!

Three men with the power of TRES!

TRES POWER MEN!

Pusherman push you!

Smasher’s gonna smash!

The Puncher punch you in the face!

TRES POWER MEEEEN!!!

(Music rocks out with a spoken word montage of their mighty origins.)

Born out of gray cubicles,

three boys learned the power of action-packed violence

and became men…

TRES POWER MEN!

(super rockin’ guitar followed by power drums)

PUSH!

SMASH!

PUNCH!

TRES POWER MEEEEEEN-UH!!!!

TRES POWER MEN created & illustrated by Doug / lyrics by D.J. / embodied on this Earth by Chad (Pusherman), D.J. (Smasher), and Doug (The Puncher)… Believe in your dreams. (Don’t even try to fight it).

Ninjas Don’t Jazzercise

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Ninjas don’t jazzercise

…..to keep the thunder out of their thighs.

……….For that they kick tons of ass.

Ninjas don’t diet

…..as a way to stay fit.

……….Badass assassinations keep ’em thin.

Ninjas don’t sweat to the oldies

…..to be free of ass fat foldies.

……….Airborne flipping is better than Richard Simmons’ moves.

Ninjas don’t jazzercise.

…..or freaking diet

……….or sweat to no oldies.

Ninjas

kick

ass.

…..Which is wonderful exercise.

Mustachioed Ninja

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Ninja with a mustache,

your hairy lip aids you in the kicking

of ass.

–

Whatever your reason for growing your ‘stache,

it works for you.

I say this true blue.

–

Show off your ‘stache,

and cut a ‘stache hole in  your mask…

In fear your enemies will bask.

–

Show off that sweet hairy lip…

Oh! And when you kick,

remember to pivot with your hip.

–

Look, put that razor down.

Without that godgiven ‘stache,

you look like an child clown.

–

Ninja, sweet mustchioed ninja,

you beautiful bastard,

don’t ever give up the dream.

–

Shaving your lip,

won’t make your enemies scream

… in terror.

Ninjas In Space!

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Ninjas in space,
Whose side are they on?

Are they defending us from alien invaders?
Or are they Ninjutsu Darth Vaders?

I mean, what if they were up there,
In their astro-ninja-underwear,
Planning our downfall?
The global death of us all?

That’s probably the deal.
Ninjas freaking hate humanity.
At least that’s how I was raised to…
… raised… to… feel… ?

Holy shit.
Wait a minute.

Was I raised to hate ninjas?
To be a ninja hater?

No, I don’t blame Mom and Dad.
It’s society that’s bad.
The media, that’s who to blame…
… for my ninja-hating shame.

Just because they can kill me with a kick,
Doesn’t mean I have to be a dick.

Ninjas, on earth or in space,
are part of the human race.

So, I’m going to hug a ninja, and – ack!
I was just stabbed… with a ninja… sword…
… what a sneaky ninja attack.

Lesson learned?

Probably not.